Part 5 of The Dadventures Series
Click here to start at the beginning | Click here to go back to Part 4: The Most Dangerous Villain
When was the last time you got out of your comfort zone?
Can you remember a time in your life when you left what was comfortable and familiar in order to journey into the unknown?
What experiences in your life have shaped you the most?
I am currently out of my comfort zone. This right here—writing down my thoughts and feelings and putting them out there for everyone to see—is definitely out of my comfort zone. It would have been way easier to keep this crazy idea of starting a ministry for dads to myself. I was nervous to share this idea with my wife and my close friends. What if they thought it was stupid or crazy? What if they thought I couldn’t do it?
Have you been there? Are you there right now?
It wasn’t easy, but I am so glad I shared my crazy idea with them. If I hadn’t, the feeling that I was ignoring the call to something greater would have continued to consume me. If I had stayed where it was “comfortable,” well, I honestly would have not been very comfortable. I would have regretted not taking action, and would have been frustrated with myself for not going after my dream. It was scary, but I knew I had to move. I had to go on this journey.
And even though it has only been a few months since I took the first step of telling my wife, I have grown as a person. There have been numerous obstacles and challenges, but I kept moving forward. I had to figure out all the processes of setting up an LLC and file tons of paperwork. Then, I had to design a website, set up an email list, and meet with friends, mentors, and other leaders to glean their knowledge and wisdom.
With each obstacle I have overcome, I have gained courage, wisdom, and more trust in God’s leading. And I am so thankful to be on this journey. It has pushed me to be a better dad, husband, and leader. But I am also incredibly thankful to be part of helping other dads and families on this journey. I knew it was important when I first started this journey, but everyday I learn more and more how critical it is for dads to point to Jesus.
Maybe you haven’t started a blog, or a business, or switched careers, but I want you to think for a moment about a journey you have taken that changed you, even if just a little bit.
I can think of a few of these journeys in my own life. I wrote in an earlier blog post (The Quest) about our family’s huge road trip to Yellowstone. It was by far the biggest trip we had taken as a family. Fifty-four hours of driving, eight states, six national parks and monuments, three young kids (7, 3, and 1), in one minivan for 11 days! It was ambitious, it was crazy, and it was a little scary.
But that is the trip that sparked in us a passion for traveling, and it is on that trip that my wife and I set a goal to get our kids to all 50 states before they head off to college. Now, eight years later, our two oldest kids have been to 47 states, the District of Columbia, and Canada!
We came back very different people after that trip. Before, we had never seen geysers, hot springs, or bears. In fact, it made us nervous to think about them. But ever since our trip to Yellowstone, we haven’t stopped dreaming about going back! I need more geysers and bears in my life!
Alright, so those are a couple journeys that have changed me. Have you thought of one?
Maybe it was a trip you took or a career path you chose. Perhaps it was a journey to better health, going away to college, or moving out of your parents’ house. All of these journeys take some courage to start, and they are filled with challenges, but they change you with every step you take.
If you are reading this, then it is likely that you are on a couple of other journeys: faith and parenthood. I have been shaped by a lot of things in my life, but these two have transformed me like nothing else.
The Call to Transformation
As I wrote about before, any adventure story contains a transformation of the protagonist. Think about the transformations that characters like Bilbo Baggains, Luke Skywalker, Moana, and Simba went through. As they progressed in their journeys, they grew in character. They may have started scared, timid, or nervous, and they were focused on their own desires and their own problems. However, by the end of their journeys, they had grown courageous and focused on helping others to the point where they risked their own lives to save their friends, family, and even strangers.
As a Christian dad or mom, our role as parent should be centered in our identity as a follower of Jesus, and to follow Christ is to become more like him. When Jesus calls us to follow him, he doesn’t invite us to just watch him like we would watch our favorite sports team. When Jesus says, “Follow me,” he is calling us to a journey of transformation.
Jesus called his first disciples to leave behind their lives and journey with him. They left behind their homes, careers, and everything familiar to them and ventured into a new life with Jesus. That same expectation remains for us today.
In John 15, Jesus says that he is the vine, we are the branches connected to him, and God is the Gardener. In John 15:2, Jesus says God “prunes” us so that we will produce fruit. If you’ve ever done any gardening, you likely know what this is like. You take your pruners, and cut off any branches that aren’t healthy or aren’t producing fruit. This allows the plant to put its energy into the branches that are healthy and producing fruit, thereby allowing the plant to grow more and bigger fruit.
Jesus’ desire for us is to be pruned in order to be more fruitful. This calls for us to trust him and submit to his desire for our lives. When we do this, he cuts out the things that keep us from producing spiritual fruit. He shapes us to become spiritually healthy so that our lives produce fruit that honors God and blesses other people.
So, how do we know we are being transformed? Start by asking if your life looks anything like Jesus. Now, certainly, we are not perfect, but we should be submitting to God so that he can perfect us. This isn’t an overnight transformation; it’s a process. But we should be able to look back at where we started and see that we have made progress.
And what does that progress look like? What is the fruit that our lives should be producing? Galatians 6 doesn’t give us an exhaustive list, but it does give us a great picture of what fruit our lives should produce if we allow Jesus to transform us.
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance [patience], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
So, how are you doing in these? Is your life producing fruit? None of us are perfect, but are you growing in these areas?
Unfortunately, it is all too common for Christians to think they don’t need to grow or that they are incapable of change. But Christ has called us to be transformed, and he is the one who has the power to change us.
Christ’s Transforming Power
If you’ve ever tried to change something in your life, you know how hard it can be. How many of us have set New Year’s resolutions on January 1st, only to abandon them before the Super Bowl? Ever lost a bunch of weight in an attempt to get healthy but gained it all back a few months later? We start off strong with great intentions, but we soon end up right back where we started.
I remember going through this a few times myself. I would make some changes to my diet, start exercising, and quickly drop a few pounds. But then life would happen, and before long, I was back to my old habits: hitting the drive-thru and skipping the gym. And suddenly, the weight was back.
It wasn’t until three years ago that things changed for real. It was the middle of the pandemic, and I was at my heaviest and unhealthiest. I was desperate for things to be different. So, when my wife said she was going to start a new diet and asked if I wanted to join her, I immediately said, “YES!”
Six months after we started, I had lost sixty pounds. Now, three years later, I am healthier and more energetic than I was when I was in my twenties. So what was different this time?
My desires changed.
When I had lost weight countless times before, I still wanted double bacon cheeseburgers, large soft drinks, venti hazelnut mochas, and to sit on the couch watching TV. Sure, I wanted to be healthy, but I wanted those other things as much or even more. So when life got busy or stressful, those unhealthy desires won out.
But now, my desires are different. I want to be healthy. I want to be healthy more than I want those other things. I want to have energy to play with my kids. I want to be in a better mood. I want to feel good physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Do I want those unhealthy things? Yeah, sometimes. But I haven’t had a soft drink in more than three years because I don’t crave them anymore. The fast food joints that I used to frequent now gross me out. And I actually like getting up at 4:30 in the morning to go to the gym! Okay, some days I don’t like it, but I go anyway because I love how I feel afterwards! Many of my old desires no longer exist, and the other desires have dwindled so much that it is easy to say no to them. Those old desires have been replaced with new, better desires.
This is how spiritual transformation works, except that it is Jesus who gives us those new desires. Jesus, through the work of his Holy Spirit, transforms us from the inside out.
Look at what God says to the people of Israel in the Old Testament book of Ezekiel.
26I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.
God wants to give us a different heart. He wants to give us new desires. His heart. His desires. He doesn’t just want us to do things differently; he wants us to be different.
But so often, the way we approach spiritual transformation is by doing rather than being. You’ve probably done this yourself. When we are struggling spiritually, we often focus on external actions.
“I need to pray more.”
“If I just read my Bible more…”
“I need to go back to church.”
“I should stop watching that.”
While those are all good things, they can’t transform us on their own. Jesus is the only one who can completely transform us. Without him, we are only changing our behavior, and probably only temporarily. If we don’t submit to Jesus in faith, allowing him to replace our heart and its desires, we will never actually be transformed.
Should you pray more, read your Bible more, go to church, and stop watching things that pull you away from Jesus? Absolutely! Yes, do all of those things, but first, ask Jesus to give you a new heart. Pray for spiritual transformation. Surrender to God’s will for your life, and let him prune any unhealthy branches that aren’t producing fruit.
I know this might sound confusing or a little too abstract, so let me explain it this way. If you are trying to change a behavior in your life, is your desire to be a better person, or is your desire to be with Jesus? When you pray, is it just to ask him to help you to stop sinning, or are you praying because you desire to be with Jesus? Do you want your behavior to change so that it will help your marriage, your relationship with your kids, or your job; or do you want it to change because it’s hurting your relationship with Jesus? If you could only have one or the other—being a better person or being with Jesus—which would you choose?
The answers to these questions reveal our desires. When I realized this, everything changed for me. My desires started to shift. Instead of praying so that God would change me, I prayed because I wanted to be with him. And guess what? God started to change me! The more I desired Jesus, the more I spent time with him. And the more time I spent with him, the more I desired Jesus. And as my desire for Jesus grew, my desires for selfish and sinful things faded.
Again, I know this is a little abstract, so let me give you some practical advice, because I always want something practical. Set aside some time each day, even if it’s just one minute. Get away from any distractions, and spend that time focusing on Jesus—not on your sin, not on a prayer list. Just focus on Jesus. Don’t ask for anything except for more of him. That’s it. Just Jesus.
An app that helped me with this is the Pause app. You can download it for free, and it will guide you in meditating on Jesus. It has different meditations, and you can do it for one minute, three minutes, five minutes, ten minutes, or more. The power is not in the app itself. The power is in Jesus. The app just helps to point you to Jesus. (And there are numerous apps, books, and other resources that can do the same. I will share some others in the upcoming weeks.)
Because my desire for Jesus increased, my desire to read the Bible and pray also increased. My desire to be a better husband, dad, and disciple increased. And because my desires changed, so did my behavior. That’s the key. In order to be spiritually transformed, Christ’s spirit must transform your heart. Instead of focusing on your desire to change, focus on Jesus, and he will change your desires.
Progress, Not Perfection
One final thought on transformation. It is easy to get frustrated when change doesn’t happen as quickly as we would like. But remember, this is a journey. A journey is taken one step at a time, and the journey is just as important as the destination.
When we took our kids to Yellowstone, we could have flown there instead of spending 54 hours in a minivan together, but we would have missed out on the journey. We would have missed out on eating barbecue in Kansas City and steak in Omaha; experiencing the unique beauty of the Badlands, Mt. Rushmore, Devils Tower, Grand Teton, and Rocky Mountain National Park; and the fun of cheering at a Colorado Rockies baseball game and eating at Casa Bonita! And more importantly, we would have missed out on the memories we made, the laughter, the bonding, and the growth together as a family. Don’t miss out on the journey. It takes time, and it isn’t always easy, but it is always worth it.
Spiritual transformation isn’t instantaneous. We will never be perfectly like Jesus on this side of heaven. Spiritual transformation is about progress, not perfection.
Look at what the Apostle Paul writes in 2 Corinthians.
And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate [or reflect] the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
This journey with Jesus is a progression to become like him. Through this journey we are transformed into Christ’s image. In other words, we become more like him in every way. But, as Paul says, it is “ever-increasing.” It happens step-by-step and day-by-day.
I know this can be hard as a parent because we want to show our kids the right way to do things. And when you aren’t perfect, you may feel like a hypocrite. But you don’t need to show them what perfect looks like. That’s Jesus’ job. You show them what walking with Jesus looks like, and the transformation that they see happen in you will impact them more than the most powerful of sermons.
So do not get discouraged when you aren’t perfect. Look at how far you have come since beginning the journey. Are you getting nearer to Jesus? Are you moving closer to becoming like him? Then you are on the right path. Remember, change isn’t easy, and it’s not comfortable. So, don’t get discouraged, and don’t give up. Just keep moving toward Jesus.
The Dadventures 